Numb
by anneryn7
Summary: AU. Trigger warnings. Bamon. He saw other people. He didn't seem to care if it bothered me one way or the other. So, I did the same. Damon always got this possessive look, when he knew I was hooking up with someone else, but he never talked about it. Not once. Being with him, it just leaves me numb. I can't feel anything else.


**A/N: I put my iPod on shuffle (again) and this happens. This turned out to be darker, than I expected. Okay, so. I don't really know what this was, but it happened. Damon didn't rape Bonnie. It's their weird kind of foreplay. Maybe it was a little coerced? I don't know. But the premise for this one-shot was that Bonnie pretty much lets Damon use her whenever he wants. BUT with that being said, I definitely do NOT condone any kind of assault or non-consensual anything. Just for the record. I wasn't entirely sure which categories this fit into. Sorry!**

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 ***Maybe trigger warnings? I'll just say there are to be safe.***

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 **I DO NOT OWN** _ **THE VAMPIRE DIARIES**_ **OR THE CHARACTERS.  
** **Song Suggestion/Inspiration: "Numb" – Nick Jonas featuring Angel Haze**

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I watched Damon flirt with yet another woman. I didn't even have the energy to fume. I didn't know what we were. Were we together? Maybe kind of? I don't even know. He saw other people. He didn't seem to care if it bothered me one way or the other. So, I did the same. Damon always got this possessive look, when he knew I was hooking up with someone else, but he never talked about it. Not once. Being with him, it just leaves me numb. I can't feel anything else.

"What do you say, stud? You wanna get out of here?" The woman in question offered. Damon's eyes flickered over to mine and he just smirked.

"Why don't we stay awhile? Let me buy you another drink or two and then we can head to your place?" He suggested with a wink. I rolled my eyes and finished what was left of my drink. I walked over to the opposite end of the bar and immediately felt eyes one me, and they weren't just Damon's. I recognized Mason Lockwood, right away. An easy smile played on his lips, as he took me in. I nodded to him and tapped on the bar, getting the bartender's attention. He nodded over at me and he poured me a new drink.

"Don't tell me that you're here drinking alone?" Mason asked me. I shrugged.

"I don't know. Am I? You could always change that…" I let the words hang in the air. He could take them however he wanted.

"That's the best offer I've gotten all day." He smiled. I returned it this time. "You grew up really nice, Bonnie." Mason murmured. I smirked and reached into my back pocket to fish out cash to pay for my drink, but Mason stopped me. "Let me. It's not every day that I get to by the prettiest lady in the bar a drink." He assured me with a wink. I stood a little taller and brought my lips to his cheek.

"Thanks, Mason," I told him, quietly.

"If a drink gets me a kiss, what do I get if I buy you two?" He asked, light-heartedly. I laughed and brought my lips to his, this time.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I sipped my drink and Mason draped an arm over my shoulders. I leaned into him, enjoying the body heat radiating off of him. I didn't miss the way that Damon was watching us. I kept my attention on Mason, not giving Damon the satisfaction of returning the look. "You know, we could always take this back to my place. I've got bourbon and we can watch a movie, or something." I offered. Damon was fuming. Mason brushed a lock of hair behind my ear.

"How can I say no to such a beautiful woman?" He grinned. We clinked our glasses together, and finished them, before turning to leave. Mason offered me his arm and I took it.

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We didn't make it to the bourbon or the movie. Our hands were all over each other the second we got through the front door. I shut and locked the door behind us. Mason picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his middle, as he grabbed my ass. I gestured to my bedroom and we all but fell on the bed. I didn't really focus on what we were doing. I went through the motions and let my body enjoy the pleasure Mason was giving me, but my heart wasn't in it. It never was.

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"Do you want me to stay?" Mason offered. I smiled up at him and shook my head.

"No, it's okay. I'm sure you have better stuff to be doing." I declined his offered. I liked sleeping alone, but I tried to keep my voice light. It wasn't him. It was me. But, then again, it was always me. He smiled and leaned down to kiss me, once more. I waited until he was gone to shower. I kept the water hot and enjoyed the stinging sensation on my skin. My shower didn't last long enough. It never did.

I pulled on an oversized shirt and a clean pair on underwear, after drying off. I jumped and spun around, when I felt hands go around my waist. I looked up and saw a very calm looking Damon.

"Was he good?" He asked me, in a soft voice.

"Yes," I replied, keeping my voice steady.

"As good as me?" He pressed. This time, I didn't answer. Why should I tell him what he wants to hear? I'm only here for him to fuck, when he wants me. Every other time, it's like I don't exist. I'm just a convenient, dirty secret for him. He knew it. He knew that I knew it. "No one will ever be as good to your body as I am." He murmured against my neck, as he ripped off my underwear. I didn't stop him. I never did. Maybe that was the problem. It's not like I was trying that hard to rectify it. I felt him, before I could completely comprehend what was happening. I didn't make a conscious effort to help things along, but I didn't push him off, either. Normally, I at least respond to his advances, but I didn't have it in me tonight. "What's the matter, Bon? Did he tire you out?" He kept trying to get a rise out of me, but I just stayed quiet. "You would really let me do anything to you. Wouldn't you?" He whispered. He let me go and stared at me. "If I wanted just another warm body to fuck, I would have picked someone else up from the bar." He spat, clearly annoyed that I wasn't into whatever this is, tonight.

"Then go pick someone else up." I replied, emotionlessly. He smirked.

"You'd like that. Wouldn't you? Does thinking about me fucking other people, get you hot and bothered? Is that why you brought Lockwood back here? You could only fuck him, if you knew I was fucking someone else?" He leered. I shrugged and looked up at him, tiredly. I'm tired. _**This**_ is tired. _**We're**_ tired. "I bet you want me. You just don't want to admit it to yourself." He hissed as his hand went back to my legs and traveled higher. "Such a dirty, little whore," he said mostly to himself. He pulled his fingers away and looked satisfied. " _ **My**_ dirty, little whore," he smirked.

"I'm not yours. Get out." I spoke up, finally. He looked shocked, but I just gestured to the door. "At least Mason is thorough. He's a man who actually knows what he's doing." I knew that I was goading him and I didn't care. He pushed me onto my bed and his hand was on my throat. He didn't scare me. I think he knew as much, but that doesn't change the fact that he was trying to. He fumbled with his pants, before thrusting into me. I blinked and felt heat rush through me. It's always the same. Sex with Damon is the only way I'm able to feel anything. What happened to me?

"Mine," he grunted. I was responding. That's what he wanted, maybe what I wanted, too. I didn't know anymore. It was rough, but with Damon, it's always rough. Maybe that's why I liked it. I knew it wasn't normal and I knew it wasn't healthy. I couldn't bring myself to care. It was what it was.

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He laid next to me, panting. He glanced over at me and just watched me. I didn't look over at him. I didn't know if I wanted him to stay or to go. I wasn't sure if I cared one way or another.

"One of these days, I'm not going to let you come back." I told him. He smirked and got to his feet. He fixed his clothes and pocketed my torn undergarments.

"I owe you a new pair." He remarked.

"You owe me more than one." I corrected him. He always rips them. That much hasn't changed. He has yet to deliver on his offer. "You can go now." I dismissed him, feeling cold and empty again.

"Can I?" He smirked.

"If I want more company tonight, I'll call Mason. I knew he won't mind." I told him, truthfully. His jaw ticked, but he didn't retaliate this time. I followed him to the door. "I meant what I said. There might not be a next time." I tried to stand firm. He just smirked.

"Keep telling yourself that." He walked away, leaving me feeling numb.


End file.
